No cell phone, no internet, please! Would never spring for a computer

let alone say "god bless you" if you sneeze.

No e-mail, voicemail, facebook or twitter

just an old school, bare bones answering machine with splitter.

Hoarding, misering, on old cars relying.

Restaurants?

Only if you're buying.

Just snail mail, fat tvs, living alone,

but every meal at home?

Won't travel, refuses to read,

doesn't shop, sees little need,

does his own plumbing, electrical, and gardening,

desperate to keep his arteries from hardening.

Thread-bear t-shirts, 80's shorts and slaps.

Surfs the bu, but gets only scraps.

Wouldn't know how to surf without someone behind him

will snake you within an inch as he stuffs you on a whim.

So, as a word of advice, when you surf the bu

you'd better watch your back

and always be on the look out

for dinosaur "Mad Dog" Jack!